things about miscarriage no. 33: Big Fat Negative

There are some really great blogs out there and I think many women will relate to this moving blog ‘Things about Miscarriage’

things about miscarriage

Today we had a negative pregnancy test.

Another one.

It was our fourth month of trying, this time round.

It was maybe my eight millionth negative test. Eight or nine.

I was about to write “there is nothing worse than a negative test”, but the truth is that ALL of trying to get pregnant post recurrent miscarriage is rubbish. All of it.

There is something very specially rubbish about negative tests though.

This morning I made my partner go and check the result. I stayed, lying in bed, as he padded off to the bathroom. In that moment it was as though time crystallised; the awareness of two possible futures, either one as likely as the other. Which way would our day go? Our week? Our month, year, life?

He took his time. The bugger. Apparently there was a shadow cast by the top of the test. It was a bit confusing…

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